Eeeek! I have polka dotted legs!

Polka Dot legs

 

 

I have a confession to make; if you see my legs, the tan is fake! Yep, I use self-tanner/ leg makeup on my legs if I’m going to show them. If you have seen the cover photo on my new book, Networking: Naked & Unafraid, you know I’m showing a lot of leg. I’ve had all kinds of compliments on how my legs look in that photo. But I do have to admit that I used a miracle product called Air Brush Legs before I took that photo. It’s truly miraculous how that stuff works and I’m so VERY thankful to my friend who told me about that product. Who knew it was that easy?

 

You see, I’m really pale and I’m not excited about doing any further damage to my skin by sunbathing and getting a REAL tan. So, I try to take the edge off of my paleness by using a little self-tanner. I feel like it’s a public service. Trust me on this!

 

The problem is with all this rain we’ve been having this Spring! When I want to wear a dress, I apply a little self-tanner on my legs before I head out so I won’t blind people with my whiteness. If you’ve ever used this stuff you know that it takes hours for this stuff to create the perfect tan. It has to stay dry and “cure” for a while. But if you step out into the rain, you get wet and that counteracts whatever miracle product is in there that makes you look tan. But it doesn’t get wet all over, just in spots. Hence, polka dotted legs! It’s not a great look.

 

When I complained about this recently, I was told that this was a “white girl problem”. I had to laugh at this because I never really considered that before. So if you are fortunate enough to have a naturally tan complexion, be thankful that you don’t have to deal with polka dotted legs.

 

Here’s a pic from the photo shoot for my book cover.

Check out that flawless fake tan!

Book cover SI small

A Mother’s Love

A mother's love

 

 

We’ve just celebrated Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. On these days we honor our parents and celebrate all that they have done for us. When we grow up and become parents ourselves, we truly begin to understand what that means and the depth of love that our parents have for us.

 

There is no other love like the love a parent feels for their child. At times it will incite us to do things that we may not otherwise consider doing. No matter how old our children get, they are forever on our hearts and we want the best for them. It is our instinct to protect and be there for them always.

 

I was pretty shy when I was younger. I didn’t often speak up for myself. Having children is the very thing that brought me out of my shell and gave me confidence. I realized soon after my children were born that it was my responsibility to speak for them and be their advocate. I had to take care of them. I knew that if I wasn’t going to speak up and make sure they were treated justly, nobody would. There may be times when it’s wise to remain silent in the face of injustice but when it involves our children, we are compelled to protect them.

 

As my kids grew up, there were times that I had to assert myself to ensure that they were treated fairly. It wasn’t something that was very comfortable for me but I took care of things when I needed to. You may get away with messing with me but if you were unfair or mean to one of my children then you better watch out! I faced teachers, other parents, doctors, and even other kids at times. It wasn’t something that I wanted to do but as a mom I had to. It was instinctual. I call it the “Mother Hen Syndrome”.

 

The thing is, my children are now adults but I still have that instinct to protect them from people who treat them unfairly. Of course they are more than capable of speaking up for themselves but it takes great self-discipline on my part to remain silent when I see an injustice towards one of my children. I don’t think this will ever go away, this feeling of wanting to call someone out who does them wrong. But I must allow them to speak for themselves. It’s part of growing up. Besides, at this point in their lives, they would be horrified if I actually did something!

 

Unfortunately, there are always going to be people that will be hateful or try to take advantage of others and very soon, my children will be the ones who will need to speak up for my future grandchildren. This cycle will continue. Of course, if they ever need help, the grandma hen is here and ready to take action.

 

Mom

The Proper Way to Kill a Bug

How-To-Kill-A-Spider

Whenever I’m confronted by a bug or an insect, (I know there is technically a difference but in my mind they are pretty much the same), my first instinct is to run. However, as I’ve grown up, I’ve learned that they don’t go away by themselves. Someone has to do a removal! If there is no one around of the male species age 12 and up, guess what that means? Yes, YOU are the one that has to deal with it. YOU are going to have to put on your big girl exterminator hat and do the job. Tap into your deepest primal instinct and kill or be killed.

 

One time while I was driving, out of my peripheral vision, I saw a spider drop down from the ceiling of my car. My guardian angel must have watched over me because I lived to tell the tale. Of course I panicked because this thing was about 2 inches from my face! I managed to find a place to pull over and look for the spider but it had somehow disappeared in the time it took me to park. I looked everywhere! Under the seats, the floor mats, in the console, back seat …… I mean I combed the entire inside of that car and the darn thing was nowhere to be seen! What to do? I REALLY didn’t want to get back in a closed vehicle knowing that spider had to be in there somewhere. But life continues with or without a spider carcass and I had to get home. I finally resigned myself to getting back in the car.

 

I NEVER found that spider in my car but I promise I continued to look for it every time I got in. I was haunted by that critter until I sold the car.

 

Over the years, I have developed a great method for exterminating spiders or any other creepy crawly thing. First, you don’t take your eyes off it. They get away fast! Then, with your eyes continually focused on the target, you must find a shoe, magazine, paper-towel, or some other effective device that is within reach to smash said creepy crawly thing. Once you have selected your preferred killing machine, you must move in. This is where it gets tricky. As you begin to close in on your target, it’s necessary to let out a blood-curdling scream each time you swat or smash your victim. Trust me, this helps! With every blow, you must scream and then quickly jump back if you miss. If you do miss, then you have to turn up the intensity and run after your prey because, no doubt, you have made it very mad and it’s either trying to escape or preparing to attack. Stay strong because you must keep moving in until you successfully take out this extremely dangerous 6 or 8-legged thing.

 

We all know that complete removal is necessary because being in the same dwelling as this creature is NOT an option! Good luck and God speed!

Scuba Diving Naked?

Scuba Diving group

 

 

I started scuba diving about 30 years ago and still love it. The feeling of being under water with no gravity is a feeling that you just have to experience. Over the years, I have been fortunate to witness many strange and beautiful things while pursuing this passion. Of course there have also been a few strange people along the way as well. Scuba divers seem to be a diverse group of people that somehow bond over diving experiences.

 

The stories that I can tell about other divers are endless.

 

I have seen so many exquisite coral formations and sea life that I never knew existed. As a new diver, I focused on the big, obvious things: the enormous coral walls, sharks, sea turtles, sting rays, green eels, grouper, porpoises, large schools of fish……the list goes on. After I had seen all of these many times over, I started to focus on the less obvious. I looked for tiny worms that are no bigger than a pin, seahorses that are an inch long, spotted eels hiding in the coral, sleeping octopi, sea spiders, jelly fish the size of a nickel….The creations that abound are amazing. I see new things every trip down.

 

When hopping on a boat, it is customary to be introduced to the other divers that you will be diving with. It seems that immediately, the other divers are sizing you up, trying to determine your level of expertise. They may even brag about a previous dive. If you see underwater cameras, be wary! These “photographers” tend to have more money than sense. I have been bumped and kicked by them often. They also like to try to agitate the sea life (and the other divers) so they can get good pictures….not a great idea if it’s a large barracuda! And there are occasionally the smokers and drinkers that can’t seem to go without their vices for a short afternoon of diving.

 

One of the funniest groups of divers I have ever seen were the naked divers. Yes, you read that right….naked! I was descending on a dive one time when I heard a boat stop above me. I watched as divers started dropping into the water. I kept staring because I knew something was different…..as they got closer, my eyes adjusted and I realized that they had no swimsuits on! It was mostly men, dangling “lures”, if you know what I mean. Of course I immediately got the attention of the others in our group to make sure they were witnessing what I was. I didn’t want to be the only one who saw them. Nobody would have believed me if they hadn’t seen it for themselves. It’s something we still laugh about today.

 

The most amazing experience I have ever had diving was at a dive site called Punta Sur in Cozumel, Mexico. This is a deep dive. Conditions have to be just right and you must be an experienced diver. After descending to 130 feet, you enter a cave. Inside this cave in nothing but a small mound/altar and growing out of it is a sponge coral in the perfect shape of a cross. It is the only thing to see in this cave. I believe that God has placed it there for us.

 

So if you get the opportunity to scuba dive someday, I highly recommend it. You never know what kind of divine or weird surprises you’re in for!

 

 

This doesn’t excite me at all!

 

impp_0912_04_z+2008_lexus_is_250+brakes

When it comes to spending money, women are masters at rationalizing expenses. We can shop a sale, spend several hundred dollars, and declare that we’ve actually saved money. AND we believe it!

 

Yep, that’s right! If we actually saved more money by shopping the sale than the actual amount of money spent, we believe that we have saved a bundle. Example: if something is 75% off, we have spent only 25% of what we could have spent had we not waited for the sale. Are you with me here? This is female math so it may be difficult for the men to keep up.

 

The truth is, we like new stuff! Shoes, clothes, handbags, jewelry, linens, dishes, furniture, make-up, and knick-knacks are things that make our hearts go pitter-patter. We are extremely creative when it comes to finding money in the budget for the things we have our eye on. It’s a challenge we take very seriously!

 

On the other hand, when it comes to buying things we need that aren’t quite so shiny and pretty, we are always complaining that we don’t have the money for it. For instance, the last time my car was in for service, they told me I needed to have my brakes replaced soon. The price seemed completely out of my budget so I am a bit in denial about having to spend money on brakes. Yes I understand that they are EXTREMELY necessary for safe driving conditions but they just don’t excite me like a new pair of shoes, therefore, I’m having difficulty finding the money in my budget. I just can’t embrace spending that much money on something that I can’t even see. I hate having to be so responsible. Yuck!

 

Just in case you are worried at this point about what areas of town I drive in because my brakes are liable to konk out any minute and you want to steer clear of me, they did tell me I had a little time before it was an urgent situation. Sheesh! I WILL take care of it but I won’t like it. I’ll be thinking of how many cute outfits I could have for the price of front brakes. I may even shed a tear or two over it because it’s really not my idea of a fun shopping trip. This doesn’t excite me at all!