A life without direction, aspirations or purpose needs something to give it significance. Otherwise, there is an emptiness inside that is insatiable. Many of us struggle to find our significance and when we do those around us who are still searching may become casualties of our new awareness and direction.
Drama fills the void of the non-purposed life.
~ Ronald Earl Wilsher
The friendship was uninhibited and honest. It was fun. It was deep. It was reliable. We shared secrets that we shared with no one else. Secrets that we knew the other would take to the grave. There was complete trust and loyalty.
I never stopped to examine exactly why the friendship worked and grew or if it would last forever. I assumed we’d always be friends.
People change though. I changed. I was no longer the unhappy housewife that had enough money to entertain and travel and occasionally bear a few expenses for friends. And the drama in my life had departed with the divorce.
I had begun a chapter in my life that I just assumed would include everyone that had always been in my life. But I’ve found out that this is not always the case.
When I began this journey, I drug my friend along with me. She was excited for me, helped me. But as my enthusiasm grew, hers faded. It was lean times with a lot to do and little financial reward. Frustration, lack of commitment and avoidance of what needed to be done followed.
It was always my baby, my project, and you can’t really expect others without any skin in the game to wake up every single day with the same zest and drive that you have. Their passion will never be the same. Over time I realized I had to do this alone. I knew the friendship would be better for it anyway.
But it wasn’t. This new chapter changed more than I had considered. It changed who I am, what I talked about, focused on, and cared about. We no longer talked about the same things. It became a bit awkward at times. The ease of the friendship had shifted. We both made new friends.
I was an entrepreneur with drive and determination. I longed to be around like-minded people that understood my persistence and perseverance. I had no plan B. I had to make my business work. The bonus was that I LOVED what I was doing. Yes, it was an enormous struggle and I had a lot to learn but I was drawn to it. I woke up every day aspiring to succeed. I had staying power.
We lived different lives now. Less time was spent together. Secrets were no longer shared. She became indifferent to all that I was striving to achieve. Things were said. Secrets were told. It’s amazing how quickly gossip will be repeated by people you randomly run into. People always like to share what they know. I felt betrayed. Trust was lost.
While this makes me feel sad and melancholy, I can’t say that I’d go back to being who I was just to be the best friend again. The fundamental formula has changed. The perks of the friendship have been altered. I no longer have the extra money or time to entertain like I once had and I certainly lack the drama that used to fill my life. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if this is what the friendship was really about all those years. Was it the draw, the very thing that crafted the bond?
It’s complicated. I miss the friendship I thought we had. We have a different kind of friendship now. The love is still there but it’s distant. On birthdays, instead of having parties, we simply text. Yes, she’ll always have a special place in my heart. I can’t help but laugh at some of the memories we share. And we did go through a lot of good times and tough times during all those years of friendship. I’ll be forever grateful to her that she was there for me during the most difficult part of my life. She was a rock.
I now have a new best friend. He is incredible. I fully understand the foundation of our friendship and love. It is balanced. It is authentic. It is honest. I realize that for any romantic relationship to work, that person must also be your Best Friend. This is something that was conspicuously missing in my previous marriage. Having other friends is wonderful and vital but your spouse absolutely has to be number one.
Overall, I’m tremendously happy with my life! On some strange level, I feel like I’m a grown woman coming of age in my 50’s! I’m compelled to keep moving forward even if looking back causes a little pain. I know I’ll heal. I always do. God has planned my steps and He will continue to direct my path.