Eeeek! I have polka dotted legs!

Polka Dot legs

 

 

I have a confession to make; if you see my legs, the tan is fake! Yep, I use self-tanner/ leg makeup on my legs if I’m going to show them. If you have seen the cover photo on my new book, Networking: Naked & Unafraid, you know I’m showing a lot of leg. I’ve had all kinds of compliments on how my legs look in that photo. But I do have to admit that I used a miracle product called Air Brush Legs before I took that photo. It’s truly miraculous how that stuff works and I’m so VERY thankful to my friend who told me about that product. Who knew it was that easy?

 

You see, I’m really pale and I’m not excited about doing any further damage to my skin by sunbathing and getting a REAL tan. So, I try to take the edge off of my paleness by using a little self-tanner. I feel like it’s a public service. Trust me on this!

 

The problem is with all this rain we’ve been having this Spring! When I want to wear a dress, I apply a little self-tanner on my legs before I head out so I won’t blind people with my whiteness. If you’ve ever used this stuff you know that it takes hours for this stuff to create the perfect tan. It has to stay dry and “cure” for a while. But if you step out into the rain, you get wet and that counteracts whatever miracle product is in there that makes you look tan. But it doesn’t get wet all over, just in spots. Hence, polka dotted legs! It’s not a great look.

 

When I complained about this recently, I was told that this was a “white girl problem”. I had to laugh at this because I never really considered that before. So if you are fortunate enough to have a naturally tan complexion, be thankful that you don’t have to deal with polka dotted legs.

 

Here’s a pic from the photo shoot for my book cover.

Check out that flawless fake tan!

Book cover SI small

REALLY BIG NEWS!

Grandma chalkboard

Yes, this news is really, really big! I mean it’s life changing. I am about to turn into one of those complete fools who can’t stop going on and on about how beautiful my grand-baby is. I am going to be a grandmother. So please bear with me as I post millions of baby pics on Facebook, Instagram and everywhere else imaginable. I have no doubt that at least in my eyes, it will be the most beautiful baby ever born.

 

I’ve told a few people about this grand event and I keep getting a similar question; what will the baby call me? I didn’t know that I get to decide this! When my first child was born he could say nana really well so we went with Nanny for the name of my mom, (his grandmother). It really had more to do with the fact that he liked bananas a lot and we took that name and ran with it. Now that I think about it, he probably wondered why he was supposed to call her that since she was clearly NOT a banana.

 

So I want to know, if you are a grandparent, what does your grandchild call you? I’m open to suggestions!

BAM! Just Like That!

BAM

 

How many of you have ever bought into the crazy marketing promises we are bombarded with on a daily basis? Marketing gurus play on our weaknesses and the things we are self conscious about. They know just how to get us to pull out our wallet and hand over our money even if we are doubtful that said product would actually give us the results we see on the ads. For some reason, we just keep on hoping and believing.

 

I’m pretty immune to those ploys at this point in my life because in the past, I’ve given in to the lure of better skin, hair, eyelashes, silhouette, etc. many times before and have been repeatedly disappointed. In the past, I’ve spent lots of money on stuff that just didn’t do what it claimed it would do.

 

Occasionally, and this is VERY rare, you find there is a product that you’re actually happy with the results. This is how Top Ten got started. Whenever I find something worthy of sharing, I want to tell everybody I know. I want to shout, “HEY, THIS STUFF WORKS!”

 

Wanna Betta Butt?Recently, I was shopping and found some jeans that had an interesting marketing slogan. It grabbed that part of me that has struggled with having no butt all of my life. My step dad used to call me snake hips. You know snakes have no hips, right?

 

I’ve done billions of lunges, squats and all other means of exercise that promises to grow muscle in the gluteus maximus. Ok, that might be a slight exaggeration because if I’d actually done that many I’d have a bigger butt. These jeans said right there on the label, “Wanna Betta Butt”. Ummmm, yes I do. Thank you very much.  So I whipped out my money and paid for them. BAM! Just like that, instant gluteus maximus.

 

Ok, I know my butt doesn’t actually look like the one in the ad but it IS an improvement, I think… I did a video that has the before and after and I’m pretty sure there was a difference. It’s really amazing what lycra in the right places can do! Ronny says I should get my money back though. Anyway I’m happy with the results and think I spent my money wisely. In these jeans, I DO have a betta butt.

 

When they come off, it’s a different story. So I guess I’ll keep on working out in hopes of growing the ole glutes into a bubble butt. In the mean time, I’ll be sporting my new jeans.

 

 

 

 

 

The Proper Way to Kill a Bug

How-To-Kill-A-Spider

Whenever I’m confronted by a bug or an insect, (I know there is technically a difference but in my mind they are pretty much the same), my first instinct is to run. However, as I’ve grown up, I’ve learned that they don’t go away by themselves. Someone has to do a removal! If there is no one around of the male species age 12 and up, guess what that means? Yes, YOU are the one that has to deal with it. YOU are going to have to put on your big girl exterminator hat and do the job. Tap into your deepest primal instinct and kill or be killed.

 

One time while I was driving, out of my peripheral vision, I saw a spider drop down from the ceiling of my car. My guardian angel must have watched over me because I lived to tell the tale. Of course I panicked because this thing was about 2 inches from my face! I managed to find a place to pull over and look for the spider but it had somehow disappeared in the time it took me to park. I looked everywhere! Under the seats, the floor mats, in the console, back seat …… I mean I combed the entire inside of that car and the darn thing was nowhere to be seen! What to do? I REALLY didn’t want to get back in a closed vehicle knowing that spider had to be in there somewhere. But life continues with or without a spider carcass and I had to get home. I finally resigned myself to getting back in the car.

 

I NEVER found that spider in my car but I promise I continued to look for it every time I got in. I was haunted by that critter until I sold the car.

 

Over the years, I have developed a great method for exterminating spiders or any other creepy crawly thing. First, you don’t take your eyes off it. They get away fast! Then, with your eyes continually focused on the target, you must find a shoe, magazine, paper-towel, or some other effective device that is within reach to smash said creepy crawly thing. Once you have selected your preferred killing machine, you must move in. This is where it gets tricky. As you begin to close in on your target, it’s necessary to let out a blood-curdling scream each time you swat or smash your victim. Trust me, this helps! With every blow, you must scream and then quickly jump back if you miss. If you do miss, then you have to turn up the intensity and run after your prey because, no doubt, you have made it very mad and it’s either trying to escape or preparing to attack. Stay strong because you must keep moving in until you successfully take out this extremely dangerous 6 or 8-legged thing.

 

We all know that complete removal is necessary because being in the same dwelling as this creature is NOT an option! Good luck and God speed!

This Man

Ronny

When we first met, I didn’t see this coming at all. How did we end up here? We started on this journey carrying a ton of baggage, broken, disillusioned, hardened, and with enormous walls guarding our hearts. Neither of us thought love was on our horizon or even remotely possible.  But here I sit writing about “this man” 3 years later.

 

Many have asked how we met so I will share the story:

 

Our initial meeting was at a networking event. We were introduced by a mutual friend, Lee Farb. We exchanged pleasantries and carried on networking and meeting other people. We both meet a lot of people and many times people are quickly forgotten but I did remember this character. He was loud and large and quite full of himself. I thought he was a bit weird but at least he made an impression. We continued to see each other at other networking events over the next few months and I spoke to him a little more but not extensively. I really didn’t know what he did for a living. I thought he was married and never even looked at him as a potential date. I had also made it a rule to NEVER (never say never) date anyone I knew from networking.

 

At one particular networking luncheon, “this man” stood up when it was his turn to introduce himself to the room and stated his name and that he was here to see Kathryn Wheat (me)! Let me reiterate, we barely knew each other. When my best friend and business partner, Cindy Dennen, heard him she warned me that he was about to be moved to the #1 position on my stalker list. You see I did actually have a real live stalker. I wasn’t sure what “this man’s” intentions were towards me. Partner this with the fact that a mutual friend of ours, Dave Bamberg,  asked me on more than one occasion what I thought about “this man”. I suspected Dave was trying to play matchmaker, which was confusing since I was uncertain about his marital status.

 

“This man” had also started texting me cute little smiley things and other non-sense. Quite often, his text either went completely unanswered  or was answered several days later. I didn’t want to encourage him. At that time, my life was in a major transition. After a year and a half of trying, I was finally going to get my house sold. I had been divorced but had been stuck in the home and was trying desperately not to lose it to foreclosure during the downturn of the real estate market. My financial situation was difficult to say the least. I didn’t have time or energy for non-sense. But secretly, he did make me smile. And if I’m going to be honest, I did text him back late one night after an evening on the town with friends. I couldn’t believe he answered my text almost immediately since it was about 3:00 am. It made me feel a little giddy.

 

I had come to a place in my business where I was looking for advice on marketing possibilities. I called Dave Bamberg and told him what I was considering doing. I valued his opinion and needed some feedback. He then asked me if I had ever sat down and talked to “this man”. I told him no, I hadn’t. He urged me to talk to him before I made any decisions. At this point I was unsure if Dave wanted me to talk to him for business reasons or if this was part of his matchmaking efforts. So I called Cindy and told her we needed to schedule an appointment to talk to “this man”. She responded with a big sigh and exclaimed that in no way was I to meet with him by myself. I said of course not! You’re going with me. So I called him and asked if we could meet. He was very friendly and glad to hear from me. We scheduled our meeting for Monday, May 2, 2011.

 

The 3 of us sat down and began to talk. It was then that I began to think of him differently. I realized that he was so much more than what I thought. As we talked, I think I started falling in love. I could tell that Cindy was impressed with who “this man” was too. That day he helped open my eyes to so much that I had been missing in my business and in my personal life. Not only did he show me many ways to help my business grow but he also motivated and inspired me. He made me feel like maybe I could really make it on my own. He encouraged me to be courageous. I remember thinking, who is “this man”? His positivity was absolutely contagious!

 

Our meeting had been scheduled for only 30 minutes to an hour. FIVE hours later, Cindy had to leave us to go pick up her daughter from school. I know both of us felt like our heads would explode with all of the information that he was so freely providing. I was so excited because it was like the fog was lifted. So much was finally making sense to me. Why had I been so stand offish with “this man”? After Cindy left, we wrapped up our meeting and he asked me if I wanted to go have a glass of wine and get to know each other a little better. I said yes. I was so confused. He wasn’t at all who I thought he was and I still didn’t understand his marital status. We went to a wine bar and talked even more. It turned out that he wasn’t married.

 

We have been together ever since.

 

We both stepped into this unexpectedly, with reluctance and extreme caution. Neither of us was looking for love. It just hit us over the head and was quite impossible to ignore. So here I am 3 years later changed for the better and hopelessly in love with “this man”, Ronald Wilsher, who is honest, kind, brilliant, confident, positive, fair, strong, thoughtful, funny, giving, motivating, inspiring, loud, weird, quirky, often misunderstood and perfect for me.

 

Happy 3 year anniversary Ronny! I love you bunches!

 

And in an attempt to answer the question, “When is he gonna put a ring on it?”, all I can say is that if you look at our matching tattoos you can see our status. We are 2 hearts joined together by The Cross.

Tattoo Ronald Wilsher Kathryn Wheat

                      photo credit 2 Creative Birds