Eeeek! I have polka dotted legs!

Polka Dot legs

 

 

I have a confession to make; if you see my legs, the tan is fake! Yep, I use self-tanner/ leg makeup on my legs if I’m going to show them. If you have seen the cover photo on my new book, Networking: Naked & Unafraid, you know I’m showing a lot of leg. I’ve had all kinds of compliments on how my legs look in that photo. But I do have to admit that I used a miracle product called Air Brush Legs before I took that picture. It’s truly miraculous how that stuff works and I’m so VERY thankful to my friend who told me about that product. Who knew it was that easy?

 

You see, I’m really pale and I’m not excited about doing any further damage to my skin by sunbathing and getting a REAL tan. So, I try to take the edge off of my paleness by using a little self-tanner. I feel like it’s a public service. Trust me on this!

 

The problem is with all this rain we’ve been having this Spring! When I want to wear a dress, I apply a little self-tanner on my legs before I head out so I won’t blind people with my whiteness. If you’ve ever used this stuff you know that it takes hours for this stuff to create the perfect tan. It has to stay dry and “cure” for a while. But if you step out into the rain, you get wet and that counteracts whatever miracle product is in there that makes you look tan. But it doesn’t get wet all over, just in spots. Hence, polka dotted legs! It’s not a great look.

 

When I complained about this recently, I was told that this was a “white girl problem”. I had to laugh at this because I never really considered that before. So if you are fortunate enough to have a naturally tan complexion, be thankful that you don’t have to deal with polka dotted legs.

 

Here’s a pic from the photo shoot for my book cover.

Check out that flawless fake tan!

Book cover SI small

Are you getting enough?

 

How much is enough

Okay, get your minds outta the gutter here! I’m talking about water, you know, good old H2O? Whenever I hear multiple messages about the same topic I start to feel like I’m meant to pay closer attention. Like I’m being hit over the head with it. Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of people talk about how much water you should drink. I get it; most of us don’t drink enough water. In fact, most of us are actually pretty dehydrated and have habitually been in that state for a long time. I figured it was time for me to start paying attention to how much I’m drinking. And I’m not talking about wine.

 

According to the experts, you should drink at least half of your body weight in water. For instance, if you weigh 200 lbs. you should drink at least 100 ounces of water each day. That means almost 6, 16.9 oz. bottles of water. If you exercise or live in a warm climate, then you should drink closer to equal your body weight in ounces of water. That means 200 ounces of water if you weigh 200 pounds. It seems like A LOT! That would be 12 bottles of water.

 

Apparently, if you do this, your body will love you! It helps brain function, memory, mood, skin, digestion and all kinds of wonderful things about our body that we expect to miraculously work properly. Okay, I’m game.

 

I decided to give it a try. Even though I feel like I already drink a lot of water, I had to work my way up to my goal amount. Initially I was afraid that I’d end up spending all of my time in the bathroom due to a pea sized bladder but it actually hasn’t made that much of a difference in the number of trips to the potty. This may be TMI but it’s just increased the output, if you know what I mean. I’ve also discovered that the more water I drink, the thirstier I become. I actually WANT to drink more. WATER, folks! We’re still talking about water here.

 

Some of the differences that I’ve noticed so far include a bit of a breakout on my face. I know it’s a little unpleasant but it’s temporary. This is due to the toxins making their way out. After the first week, this went away and I feel like my skin is moister now. I’ve also noticed less bloating and a flatter stomach. And like I said, I’m thirsty! For water! I’m only into this about 2 weeks so I’m looking forward to even more benefits in the weeks to come.

 

Since we are in the holiday season and most of us tend to drink more alcohol, eat more junk, exercise less, have more stress and get less sleep, I urge to join me and do at least this one little thing to help you make it through the next few weeks. When you start thinking about that diet after new years, you’ll be glad that you did. Cheers!

 

I don’t need any Neck Cream!

wrinkled neck

The other day I went into one of my favorite places to shop for cosmetics and got stalked by a lady hawking neck cream. No kidding! At least I hope you are laughing about this with me! As I walked into the store, she was standing next to a display with this new miracle product that promises to get your neck wrinkles under control. She greeted me and then declared that this miracle cream was on sale for $20 off! She seemed very excited about this fabulous sale. I kind of remember thinking if it’s $20 off, how much does this stuff cost? But I smiled at her and told her thank you and went on about my business looking for the shampoo that I came in for. Not even 3 aisles down, she rounds the corner on the opposite side of me and begins her spiel once again about this miracle neck cream. I’m talking not even 3 minutes later! At this point I’m hoping that her memory is really bad and she just doesn’t remember talking to me 3 minutes earlier. Because it’s either that, or she desperately wanted to talk me into buying this cream because she thought I had hideous neck wrinkles!

 

I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and go with the assumption that she was tired and forgot that she had just talked to me about this wrinkle stuff. I spoke to her in my very best, trying to be patient, pleasant voice, and told her thank you again and reminded her that we had just spoken. At least she had the decency to act embarrassed and move on. If she had continued with the sales pitch I think I may have gone home and had a serious look in my 8X magnifying mirror at my neck wondering if it was that bad. In truth, I did give it a little look – see when I got home and decided it wasn’t quite time to call on the plastic surgeon. Whew! Maybe the lady was just an over-zealous sales person? AND I know Cindy would have told me if I have neck issues!

 

On a side note, what do you think about this hairstyle?

A20689-B

REALLY?

Really?

I keep thinking about that Saturday Night Live Skit where they would ask incredulously, Really? That’s what I was telling myself the morning that I was to do a live taping for my first television interview. Even though I am WELL past the age of puberty, I woke up with a big honking pimple front and center on my cheek. REALLY? I go months and months with clear skin and on this particular day I get a big honking pimple! All I can think is that I must have been unkind to someone with acne and karma was coming after me.

 

What to do? Is it possible to photoshop video? Somebody needs to work on creating that. I debated getting one of those Marilyn Monroe moles to put on top of it. I could just claim that I had always had the mole but had been covering it up all these years. Cindy’s advice was to bling it out with some rhinestones and we could name it Liberace. She’s so helpful!

 

In the end, I did some very fancy artwork with makeup and covered it up pretty well. Thank goodness I am a woman and it is perfectly acceptable to wear concealer and powder. Of course when you have one of these things on your face you think everyone is staring at it, so upon meeting the host and camera crew I cut to the chase, as is my style, and blurted out, “I’ve got a big a$$ pimple on the right side of my face.” They were very kind and directed me to sit a little sideways so the newly acquired facial feature wouldn’t be seen. I haven’t seen the show yet but I’m hopeful that all is well.

 

I have learned my lesson. I will never again be unsympathetic towards people with acne. I’m sorry Universe!

Sued for Being Ugly?

baby Feng

Have you heard the story about Jian Feng suing his wife for having an ugly baby? This story is both hilarious and sad. Hilarious in the way that it’s so  crazy and unbelievable. Sad in the way that you can’t imagine what this poor child will grow up to feel like. It’s just so outrageous that a man would sue a woman for having HIS ugly baby. It seems, a paternity test was ordered and confirmed that he was indeed the father. So now we know that his DNA played a major part in the looks of this child. Bless her heart! Then the woman finally opened up and confessed that she may have had some plastic surgery before they met. Like $100,000 worth of plastic surgery! First, let’s recognize that that amount of plastic surgery is nothing short of extreme! I’m sure major changes had been made. But if you look at the photos of the father, he certainly was no prize.

The question of the day is do you think she should have told him before they decided to marry or at least before they procreated that she had some work done? Should anybody tell a prospective spouse about a nose job, lipo, hair coloring, or even braces……? I mean we all do things that alter our natural looks a little. Even going to the gym alters our physique. Where is the line drawn where you must disclose changes you’ve made to your natural looks?

Woman sued for having ugly babyYou must also consider the reverse of this. What about the woman or man that is considered to be naturally beautiful and then lets themselves “go” after saying “I do”? This happens way more often than not. After tying the knot, they no longer work out or spend as much time on their looks. Their beauty fades because they no longer make it a priority. It’s like the ole bait and switch!

Now let’s talk about the poor child involved in this. It is said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Let’s face it, most newborns haven’t reached their full potential of beauty at birth. But as a parent, the first time you hold your baby in your arms you think you are looking at the most precious and beautiful creation ever born. It’s the love in your heart that makes your child beautiful. I can’t believe that this man would sue and WIN on the basis that HIS child was ugly. And what about the story of the Ugly Duckling? Many children that wouldn’t win a beauty pageant grow up to be beautiful. The fact is, looks change over time. Many things can contribute to this. Plastic surgery is only one of them.