Join Kathryn’s In List
Set up a Consultation
Book me to Speak
A life without direction, aspirations or purpose needs something to give it significance. Otherwise, there is an emptiness inside that is insatiable. Many of us struggle to find our significance and when we do those around us who are still searching may become casualties of our new awareness and direction.
Drama fills the void of the non-purposed life.
~ Ronald Earl Wilsher
The friendship was uninhibited and honest. It was fun. It was deep. It was reliable. We shared secrets that we shared with no one else. Secrets that we knew the other would take to the grave. There was complete trust and loyalty.
I never stopped to examine exactly why the friendship worked and grew or if it would last forever. I assumed we’d always be friends.
People change though. I changed. I was no longer the unhappy housewife that had enough money to entertain and travel and occasionally bear a few expenses for friends. And the drama in my life had departed with the divorce.
I had begun a chapter in my life that I just assumed would include everyone that had always been in my life. But I’ve found out that this is not always the case.
When I began this journey, I drug my friend along with me. She was excited for me, helped me. But as my enthusiasm grew, hers faded. It was lean times with a lot to do and little financial reward. Frustration, lack of commitment and avoidance of what needed to be done followed.
It was always my baby, my project, and you can’t really expect others without any skin in the game to wake up every single day with the same zest and drive that you have. Their passion will never be the same. Over time I realized I had to do this alone. I knew the friendship would be better for it anyway.
But it wasn’t. This new chapter changed more than I had considered. It changed who I am, what I talked about, focused on, and cared about. We no longer talked about the same things. It became a bit awkward at times. The ease of the friendship had shifted. We both made new friends.
I was an entrepreneur with drive and determination. I longed to be around like-minded people that understood my persistence and perseverance. I had no plan B. I had to make my business work. The bonus was that I LOVED what I was doing. Yes, it was an enormous struggle and I had a lot to learn but I was drawn to it. I woke up every day aspiring to succeed. I had staying power.
We lived different lives now. Less time was spent together. Secrets were no longer shared. She became indifferent to all that I was striving to achieve. Things were said. Secrets were told. It’s amazing how quickly gossip will be repeated by people you randomly run into. People always like to share what they know. I felt betrayed. Trust was lost.
While this makes me feel sad and melancholy, I can’t say that I’d go back to being who I was just to be the best friend again. The fundamental formula has changed. The perks of the friendship have been altered. I no longer have the extra money or time to entertain like I once had and I certainly lack the drama that used to fill my life. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if this is what the friendship was really about all those years. Was it the draw, the very thing that crafted the bond?
It’s complicated. I miss the friendship I thought we had. We have a different kind of friendship now. The love is still there but it’s distant. On birthdays, instead of having parties, we simply text. Yes, she’ll always have a special place in my heart. I can’t help but laugh at some of the memories we share. And we did go through a lot of good times and tough times during all those years of friendship. I’ll be forever grateful to her that she was there for me during the most difficult part of my life. She was a rock.
I now have a new best friend. He is incredible. I fully understand the foundation of our friendship and love. It is balanced. It is authentic. It is honest. I realize that for any romantic relationship to work, that person must also be your Best Friend. This is something that was conspicuously missing in my previous marriage. Having other friends is wonderful and vital but your spouse absolutely has to be number one.
Overall, I’m tremendously happy with my life! On some strange level, I feel like I’m a grown woman coming of age in my 50’s! I’m compelled to keep moving forward even if looking back causes a little pain. I know I’ll heal. I always do. God has planned my steps and He will continue to direct my path.
In one of my recent Continuing Education classes I had a Realtor tell me that they had never been in a class where the instructor actually told them NOT to sell. It was such a completely unheard of concept that she just had to remark on what a turnaround it was for her. To hear that she didn’t have to sell took a ton of pressure off of her shoulders. What a relief to know that selling someone wasn’t the goal!
Consider this: when you go networking, do you go because you want to buy something? Do you wake up that morning and think, “I’ve got to spend some money today”? Probably not!
When you are bombarded by someone trying to sell you something, how does it make you feel? Personally, I want to escape! I hate it when someone tricks me or corners me with their sales pitch. If they do this to me once, they’re unlikely to be afforded a second opportunity to talk to me because I will take epic measures to avoid them in the future.
If you are in the mood to shop what do you do? You hop on the Internet or head to the nearest store that sells what you are looking for. The one thing you don’t do is show up at a networking meeting hoping somebody will sell something to you.
We don’t go networking looking to buy so why would anybody show up trying to sell?
This has always baffled me! Wherever you go you will do better to just show up and start a few conversations and leave the “Sales Hat” at the office. Simply talk to people! It doesn’t even have to be about business!
If selling isn’t the goal, then what is? The goal is to start more conversations. See whom you connect with and keep the conversation going with those people by staying in touch. If you form a genuine, authentic relationship then you can talk business. They may not even be your customers but if the connection is real, they will talk about you and bring others to you. They will be your advocates!
Now that I’ve helped take away the pressure of making sales, it’ll be much easier to just go start those conversations!
I have been bound by the shackles of my past. I have been unworthy. Thank God, I have been redeemed.
There are times in my life that I was unfair. I only saw the world from my perspective. I have been self-centered. I have treated others poorly and said cruel things. I have been foolish and irrational. I have spread gossip. I have been a bully.
There have been times in my life that I have defended the shy and weak. I have been able to shield them from bullies. I have spoken for them and protected them. I have been kind. I have been an advocate.
There are times in my life that I have been desparate, on my knees in prayer, and the words wouldn’t even come. I have been afraid to the point that I’m completely incapable of verbalizing the pain and inescapable anxiety of what lies ahead. I have felt utterly powerless over the circumstances in my life that left me uncertain of my future. I have stayed awake at night in fear. I have been a scared victim.
Many times people see me as courageous but sometimes I feel like a fraud because of the fear that occassionally flickers through my thoughts. There have been times that I have taken steps in faith. I know that faith has carried me and given me courage. I recognize that each step I have taken has increased my faith. I have been faithful and courageous.
There are times in my life that I was so completely sure of something that I would have bet my life on it only to find out that I was indeed wrong. I have been humbled.
I have known people with tunnel vision. They have insisted that their view is the only way and nothing will convince them otherwise. I have been patient and hopeful.
I have been mislead, told half-truths and lied to. It hurts me deeply.
I have been dishonest. I really don’t like to admit that. It hurts. Lies tend to keep me awake at night weaving scenarios in my head of how to wrong the right. I greatly prefer honesty. It makes for a peaceful nights sleep and it’s much easier to remember.
I have been loved when I didn’t deserve to be loved. There are people in my life that have seen me at my worst and have pulled me up when I’ve fallen. They have applauded my accomplishments and celebrated my success. They have been there for me in every moment, good and bad. I have experienced unconditional love.
I am a mom. I have loved unconditionally.
I have hated. I have truly hated another person so much that the mere sight of them made me physically sick. I have been full of hate.
I have forgiven. After experiencing tormenting hatred toward another person, I have been able to finally forgive. Some of those times, an apology was never offered. Even still, I have learned that I was the one who was set free.
I have been forgiven. There are times that I have been forgiven for things that I have not apologized for. Forgiveness was not deserved but was given anyway. For that, I am truly thankful.
Many people have helped me along my journey. I am blessed by every lesson they have offered me. Some people that have helped me have profoundly changed my life and I’ve never been able to thank them. I have been blessed. I have been the recipient of charity.
I have been able to give back. My heart has experienced what it feels like to give. I have realized that giving with a pure heart does more for me than the person I am blessing. It feels a little like cheating sometimes. I have been charitable.
Friends and even strangers have lifted me up along the way. Many times when I have hit bumps in the road, people have appeared in my life to help me get back on track. They have reminded me that I am worthy of an abundant life. I have been motivated and inspired by other people.
The first time I gave a speech, I was told that I was an inspiration. By sharing my story, I have had the honor of showing other people that they too can and should thrive. I have been honored to help others see that they can get past their own fear and uncertainty too. I have been able to inspire and motivate other people.
I have tried to do things that I thought would be prosperous but they didn’t work out. I’ve spent time, energy and money trying to accomplish these things. I have failed at attempts to find success.
I have succeeded beyond my wildest imagination. I didn’t know I was capable of doing some of the things that I now love. I have been surprised by my own accomplishments. I have been open to new endeavors. I have been successful. I have been an entrepreneur.
I didn’t know what I was doing when I became an entrepreneur. I had many lessons to learn. I’m thankful that I have grown.
I have been honest about the “not knowing”. When I first began my business I was wisely told that there is no shame in not knowing something. I have been confident in my ability to adapt and learn what I need to know. I have been open to learning new things.
I have been through the valley and I have been on the mountaintop. While I love being on the mountaintop, I wouldn’t wholly appreciate it without having experienced the pain in the valley.
While I’m most proud of the honorable things I’ve done, it’s the horrible things that have wrought the most unforgettable lessons.
I have been who others wanted me to be but I’ve discovered the serenity in being simply me, Naked & Unafraid.
I was watching my grandson the other day and started thinking about the process of learning to walk. It’s such a great analogy for life. Yes, we must learn to crawl first but even more importantly, we need people in our lives that encourage us to pull up. If we never pull ourselves up, we won’t ever see the possibilities that lie just above our current line of sight.
My grandson just turned one year old and is doing the typical things that babies that age do. He is learning to walk. Of course he started out by scooting across the floor army-style, which then turned into a more traditional crawl on all fours. We have celebrated each small development from sitting up to pulling up. As a grandparent, I believe I have been even more excited about his progress than I was with my own children.
First, he has to have the freedom to crawl around and test out pulling up in order to eventually walk and then run. As parents and grandparents it’s a little scary to let them go. Our instincts are to keep them safe but we mustn’t limit them or they won’t grow and develop into all they are meant to be. Yes, they may fall and get a few bumps and bruises before they perfect their skill but we are here to reassure them, soothe them when they are hurt, and encourage them to keep trying. If we held them down to keep them safe they would become like a sad caged animal. Their spirit would wither.
As adults, we need the people in our lives to allow us the freedom to pull up. If those around us are more comfortable with us staying down, then we are less likely to test out or try something different. We must surround ourselves with people who encourage us to leap and grow. It’s essential to our progress that our loved ones cheer us on, support our growth and even pull us up if we fall. We must choose to spend our time with people who will truly celebrate our achievements and will lovingly give us a boost when we need it. I urge you to take a look at whom you spend your time with and consider whether or not they are pulling you up or holding you down.
If you are hesitating to take a leap of faith, go out on a limb, try that new system, accept that promotion or just put yourself out there even though there is a potential to fail, look around at your inner circle and consider the feedback you get from them. Are they telling you to go for it or cautioning you about taking chances? Surround yourself with those who will encourage you to pull up!