I was recently asked to share my story of courage and the first thing that came to my mind was that my story isn’t that remarkable. It doesn’t seem to me that it’s much different than that of so many other people. I would like to say that when I was out there on that limb and hanging on for dear life, that my incredible FAITH led me there and comforted me. And it sounds great to say that I had courage in the face of difficulty. But in all honesty, I was pretty much pushed out on that limb and I was scared beyond belief. My life was turning upside down and I was just dealing with the blows as they came.
About 2 years ago my husband and I decided that we were going to get a divorce. We had been married 22 ½ years and had 2 beautiful children together but neither one of us was happy. I could play the blame game but I won’t. We were both at fault. I had just as much responsibility in the failure as he did. In fact, I was glad to put an end to the union. I knew that I DID deserve to be happy and had realized that for many reasons, happiness wasn’t going to happen staying in this marriage.
My 2 biggest fears were: how it was going to affect the kids, ages 16 (daughter) and 21 (son) at the time; and how it would affect me financially? There were many surprises in both areas.
So what did I do? How did I survive all of this? I can tell you that there were MANY tears. When I was crying my eyes out I didn’t feel courageous at all. But I just kept praying and doing the things that I knew how to do. With help from family and amazing friends, I started this on-line magazine for women. Many of the articles are my personal stories. Writing was, and still is, very therapeutic. It also gives me a way to talk with so many other women and hear their stories. I realize that mine is not so unusual and that my story of courage is common. Women are strong!
I have met with a few financial planners to try and get some advice on how I should proceed. When I tell them about my new -start-up business I can tell that some of them think I am crazy. But one asked me if I had a plan B. I looked him in the eyes and said NO, I don’t have a plan B. I will make plan A work. He looked at me and said “good, everyone that has a plan B never puts everything into plan A”.
So now I’m dating an amazing man, loving the simplicity of apartment life and building my business. God continues to put the right people in my path and I am blessed. I’m happier than I ever thought I could be. My ex-husband remarried 7 months after our divorce was final and moved to another city. We are currently not on speaking terms but it is my hope that someday we can both put aside all of our hurt and anger. My daughter has now graduated from high school and is in the process of trying to figure out where she wants to go from here. She is wise in many ways as a result of her experiences and is growing up to be a fine young lady. Our relationship is better than ever and she knows that I love her unconditionally. My son is now living on his own working full time and will be returning to college next semester. He has also learned much from all of this. We continue to be very close and he knows that my love for him has no limits. We have all grown as people and in our faith. We wouldn’t be who we are today if we hadn’t traveled the journey we’ve been on. Although it’s been tough, I have NO regrets!
You can call it courage but it really is just God doing his work on me. I’m being carried through this. I didn’t voluntarily go out on this limb but God has given me the strength and courage to hang on. I know that He has many incredible things waiting for me so I’m able to hold tightly to my faith in order to Let Go and Let God!